The Funeral Home as a Classroom
The Director magazine, December 2001

We begin teaching children about life's celebratory events almost immediately. They are involved in holidays, birthdays, religious and cultural celebrations. How many people experienced being seated at the little kids table on Thanksgiving or going to Sunday school during church services? In many ways we give children the opportunities to learn about life at their level. We include them in births, weddings and many other celebratory milestones throughout life.

By accommodating their childlike ideals and lack of experience with death, children can understand and appropriately participate in the celebratory rituals of funeral services. Presented in concrete terms, death can be seen as a part of a natural process - every living thing dies and the feelings associated with death are called grief. Funeral homes, therefore, can become very important classrooms of life if funeral professionals and trained specialists sensitive to the special needs of children work together to anticipate the developmental reactions of children and reduce their fears and correct their misconceptions. They can serve as important teachers on the subject of celebrating life and death.

Adults are natural role models for children. They look to us for guidance and for indications of how to feel and act in unfamiliar situations. So many of us are involved in the on-going process to teach children about life. Although we may have our own individual views on child rearing, there are several common behavioral expectations that we as a society place on children. This learning process is the foundation of the future.

Adults can enhance this process by providing opportunities for compassionate learning experiences. We teach children to be polite and how to say goodbye with hugs, handshakes, and kisses. Why, therefore, should we shield them from the opportunity to say their last goodbye to a loved one? We have been preparing them all along. The truth is the learning process often comes to a halt when adult anxieties, fears and childhood experiences influence our decision on whether children should be involved in funeral services.

Preparing children and providing child-friendly support in funeral homes can ease this decision-making process. Children seek concrete information and validation of their environment. I have a special question box that gives children the opportunity to ask questions about death anonymously. There are recurring questions among children as young as 5 years old, such as How do you know when a body is dead? Can a dead person be alive again? and What is it like to be dead? Inquiring minds want to know.

Life is challenging, but death is even more challenging. Adults have a responsibility to help minimize the challenges of life and death. Collectively, we can work to heal children in our communities and normalize the effects that grief and loss have on the entire family.

© November 2001, Cynthia Clark, CCLS