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GRIEF
KITS HELP KIDS AND PARENTS COPE WITH LOSS
By: Billie Jean Chouinard
The Boston Parent's
Paper, May 2005
It's natural to want to
protect your children from everything from
knee scrapes to hurt feelings. But what
happens when a loved one dies? As parents,
instinct tells us to shelter our kids. Yet
death, loss and grief are normal parts of
life.
Linda Crawford, a bereaved
parent, and certified Child Life Specialist
Cindy Clark say children are "absolutely
resilient" and agree anything less
than the truth can hurt the child later
on.
"People don't want
to talk about death, and they definitely
don't want to talk about death with children,"
says Crawford, who lost her son Zachary
to cancer in 1993. "We want to empower
parents and give them the tools to talk
about death and begin the healing process."
In 2003, Crawford and Clark
launched the Beverly-based Hoping Skills
Company. The duo meshed Crawford's personal
experience with Clark's professional know-how
and together they create bereavement kits
for children, teens and adults.
Some kits focus specifically
on pet loss; others address serious illness
and death of a loved one. Clark even created
a Patriot Kit for people who have a loved
one in the armed services. That particular
kit is a tribute to Clark's friend who was
killed while on inactive duty.
The kits are called "Tomauro
Kits," named after Crawford's son,
Zachary Mauro Crawford, and cost between
$22 and $30 each. Each contains a "distraction"
piece, such as a teddy bear, stress ball
or bubbles. There is a book, picture frame
and a guidebook for parents about how to
talk to a grieving child, as well as an
extensive bibliography and resource list
for further information. Clark, who has
a degree in art therapy, says each kit also
contains art supplies so that the grieving
person can draw about a specific loss and/or
feelings.
Build-your-own kits are
also available and come wrapped in a gift
basket. All kits can be shipped worldwide.
"When Zachary died, I was afraid of
what I would say or how I would say this
to (my other son) Matthew," says Crawford,
noting that Matthew is now 14 and her daughter,
Amalia, is 10.
Turning Loss into Outreach
While coping with her own
sense of loss, Crawford discovered there
were few resources to help explain the tragedy
to her toddler, so together with the Dana
Farber Cancer Institute, she helped create
an outreach center there.
Crawford later met Clark
while donating bereavement materials in
the community. With Clark's help, she turned
her own grief into something that would
help hundreds of people like her learn to
cope with loss.
Mary Malley, a Child Life Specialist at
the Children's Memorial Medical Center at
UMASS in Worcester, purchased some of the
kits in the event of a child's death. Malley
says she often sees children pass away and
wanted the kits on hand to perhaps give
to a sibling or parent of the deceased.
The center has always made
child handprints for parents and has offered
photos and locks of hair of a sick child.
But, Malley says, when she went online and
found Hoping Skills, she had found something
more that she could offer to families.
When a 19-year-old oncology
patient died a few months ago, Malley gave
the adult kit, which includes a hope stone,
candle, shadow box for displaying memorabilia
and a packet of Forget-Me-Not flower seeds,
to the bereaved mother.
"The mom made a tribute
to her son in the shadow box," she
says, describing the Green Bay Packers logo
and some Game Boy games the mother placed
in the box. "She was able to celebrate
her son's life and focus on healing. It's
rewarding to know you can comfort someone
during what's probably their biggest nightmare."
Inside the Hoping Skills
Co. office, teddy bears, books, art supplies
and baskets line the walls of the storeroom
where Clark and Crawford assemble the kits
together by hand. There are stacks of packing
supplies, empty boxes and kits ready to
be shipped.
"We came to a point
where we wanted to reach out beyond cancer
and Boston and help people dealing with
many types of loss all over the country
and world," says Crawford. "The
kits look like toys to kids, but they are
really tools" for healing.
Arlington mother Kiera
Campbell received two pet loss kits for
her children after their 10-year old cat,
Sniffles, was killed by a car. Her two elementary-aged
children saw the cat while it was dying.
"It was very hard
for them to process this death," Campbell
says, noting Sniffles was later euthanized
at the veterinarian's office. "The
book (that came in the kit) was so helpful.
They were able to process the death in a
tangible way. It was astounding to see them
pour their feelings into the book. It was
beautiful."
Crawford, 40, and Clark,
33, believe that parents should be honest
with children when talking about death and
serious illness. But they also note that
sometimes less information is better. One
of the most important things a parent or
caregiver can do for a grieving friend or
child is to comfort them and support their
feelings.
"We don't have all
the answers, but we can help," says
Clark, a Charlestown resident. "There
are useful ways to help children and adults
cope. Meaningful ways."
For more information
about Hoping Skills Co., visit the Web site
at www.HopingSkillsCompany.com or call Crawford
and Clark directly at 978-921-2237 or toll
free at 1-888- 815-HOPE.
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